Have you ever felt like God wasn’t moving fast enough to your timing or God wasn’t listening to you? I went through a period in my life when I felt like I was doing all that I could do. I had it processed in my head that God wasn’t helping my situation, but Queens that’s how the chaos of life was making me feel. It felt as if everything was falling apart instead of everything coming together. College wasn’t working out for me I couldn’t focus in any of my classes. I just needed a break so I just gave up on everything. I didn’t want to live this Christian life anymore, I just wanted to be “normal”. I could remember a time of life when I was just M.A.E. My family always grew up in church but I was just a church goer. I didn’t have any responsibility in church, but to go to church and go home.
Growing up everyone always told me how talented I was and that I have many gifts (all the glory to God). The first time that I started to get involve in church I began as a praise dancer. At first, I didn’t understand the purpose of it besides the idea of wearing the nice garments. When I got older and took church a lot more serious, I had a better understanding. I became a worship leader it was amazing, but a battle at the same time. One thing I came to found out, is when you’re in a leadership position the devil will defiantly come and attack you and cause everyone to come against you. I honestly didn’t want to deal with anything or anyone anymore so I quit. I told my pastor I didn’t want to be a praise and worship leader anymore. He tried to talk me out of it and pray for me, but I was to stubborn and worried only about myself and my feelings.
One thing I learn about doing God’s work is that it’s never about you it’s about the lost souls that we encounter every day. But at that time I didn’t care I just wanted to be free, but I really wasn’t free. The devil put the idea in my head that if you stop doing this you can focus on yourself and no one will be mad at you. Which obviously was a lie, the devil was trying to kick me out and he wanted me to stop focusing on Christ. The devil didn’t want me to have a voice so he tried to shut me up. What made it worst Queens, I stop reading my bible so I couldn’t fight back. I was so empty and I didn’t have the strength to fight back. I felt useless. How can a person with a God given purpose just give up and throw in the towel? I don’t even know Queens, I just knew I needed God and I needed him badly. At that time, I attended a prophetic church. I got up that Sunday and got dressed for church. I couldn’t live like that no more. As I walk in I made it just in time for praise and worship and my Pastor wife was leading it. She started to sing that Israel Houghton song “To Worship You I Live” and I just began to weep. It was that heavy weeping. My makeup was messed up, but it was worth it. God is just so loving and graceful Queens no matter how many times you turn your back at him He’s standing there with open arms. Queens, I’m ending here saying no matter what you go through in life God is right there by your side. Remember that you are truly loved and never alone.
Love,
M.A.E

Bible Verses:
• Ephesians 6:12
• Romans 5:8
• 2 Chronicles 15:7
• Isaiah 41:10
• Psalms 23:3
• Luke 10:19